I like Big Dogs.
Great big dogs. The bigger the better. Show me a Lab and I’ll want a Malamute. Show me a Malamute and I’ll want a Newfoundland. Show me a Newfoundland and I’ll want an Irish Wolfhound. Show me a Wolfhound and I’ll want an English Mastiff. I’m not sure there’s a breed bigger than a Mastiff, is there? But if there was, I’d be interested.
Now doubtless some psychology types would have a hey-day with this bit of information. Likes Big Dogs, does she? Oh, she’s just compensating for being short (or something like that).
Yes, I’m short. But no, I’m not trying to “compensate” for anything. I just like Big Dogs. Oh, and hairy too. Big and hairy, that’s how I like ’em.
But some weirdo-types like the opposite: they go for Small Dogs, the smaller the better. Show them a Beagle and they’ll want a Yorkshire. Show them a Yorkie and they’ll want a Pekingese. Show them a Peke and they’ll want a Pomeranian. Show them a Pom and they’ll want a teacup Poodle. Open any issue of your local PennySaver newspaper and turn to the Pets section, and you’re likely to see dozens and dozens of ads for Chihuahuas (beastly little critters).
If there was a dog breed the size of a rat, I’m sure it would be more popular than chocolate. And some of these Small Dog lovers have even been known to dress up their Little Dogs like ballerinas or Darth Vader or dolls. Gack.
I call these rat-like creatures Blender Dogs (more on this later).
See, to me a dog must have substance. Dignity. Presence. Purpose. Of what use are those tiny little yappy things except to offer temptation to boot them across the yard? (Not that I ever would – please don’t misunderstand – but it’s just so tempting.) Yeah sure they can climb onto your lap, but then so can my Big Dog. I just can’t breathe when she does it.
And above all, you’d never find a Bull Mastiff or a Newfoundland dressed up to look like a ballerina or Darth Vader or anything. Why? Because to do so would be an impingement on their dignity. Besides, they’re usually bigger than you and can convince you that your attempt to fit them into a Darth Vader costume really isn’t in your best interest.
I realize this penchant for Big Dogs has a lot do to with living in the country. After all, it’s hard to have a Great Dane in the city unless you plan your life carefully around his needs. A Dane would take up most of the floor space in your average New York City apartment, and if you were to train him to pee on a newspaper, you’d have a yellow swimming pool on your floor. (On the other hand, walking your Dane down the street would be an outstanding deterrent against muggers, n’est-ce pas?)
So yes, Big Dogs are more suited to the wider spaces of country living. Let’s face it, a Yorkie would be bobcat bait if left out in a rural yard for any length of time. We have owls who would snap up a Chihuahua for an appetizer. And it’s my suspicion that a coyote would jump the fence and snack on a Pomeranian or Pekingese just to shut it up.
Because little dogs yap. Oh my goodness, they yap. They yap and yap and yap. They never shut up, in fact. We know some people with a Pomeranian and they actually have to squirt him with water to shut him up enough so we can hold a conversation.
We own a Great Pyrenees, a dog with dignity, presence, and purpose. My Pyrenees doesn’t yap. She barks, thank you very much. Loudly. Deeply. A gruff, dignified bark. She barks and barks and barks. But see, she barks for a reason. She’s barking with dignity, with presence, and with purpose. She is defending her flock (us) from those evil awful turkeys that occasionally strut down the driveway. Or she is protecting us against the wind. Or robins. Or fluttering leaves. See? Dignity. Presence. Purpose. All the difference in the world.
Great Pyrenees, for those unfamiliar with the breed, are livestock guard dogs. But in our case, WE are the livestock and she guards US. If I walk into the kitchen, she follows and collapses under the kitchen table, guarding me. If I walk into the living room and sit down, she wanders over and collapses at my feet, guarding me. If I go into the laundry room (where we also keep the dog food), she follows and guards me as she sniffs around for crumbs of dog food that fell to the floor. (Okay, her purpose in this room might be a touch mercenary.)
And if, heaven forbid, we leave the house…well, she is inconsolable. Her flock has escaped! She has failed in her purpose to guard us! It is most distressing to her.
But let us come home or even get out of bed in the morning and she is incandescently happy. She will jump up and down in delight. She will caper around the room. She will attempt to climb into our laps in ecstasy. Her flock is complete! Her mission is accomplished! Her purpose in life is fulfilled!
But if one of us is gone…she is worried. There are wrinkles of concern on her forehead. This week, for example, our older daughter is away at summer camp. This means our Pyrenees is upset. A lamb is missing! She is failing at her mission! She keeps putting her nose under our hand, seeking comfort in her distress. She feels responsible and at fault because one of her flock has strayed. It’s like she’s trying to apologize for letting our older daughter escape from her watchful guardianship.
See? Big Dogs. Purpose. Dignity. Presence.
Whereas Little Dogs do nothing but get underfoot and yap in a voice shrill enough to shatter glass. Don’t you just want to boot them across the room? I know I do.
And Little Dogs can be vicious monsters. Perhaps because of their size, no one ever attempts to train Little Dogs, and so Little Dogs grow up thinking they’re Big Dogs. They snarl and snap and growl and bite. They think they’re the biggest, baddest canine on the planet (which is why it’s always amusing to watch a Chihuahua meet a Rottweiler). And most owners don’t attempt to rein in this little terror because, gosh darn, they’re so cute when they act fierce.
So this is why I call these canine brats “blender dogs.” Why blender dogs? It’s quite simple.
Any dog that CAN fit in a blender, SHOULD.
So here’s what I propose. Since Big Dogs have a “purpose,” I propose to teach them a new trick: To press the buttons on a blender.
Just a thought.
Tags: Gals
Thursday, August 12th, 2010 - 8:41 PM
Category: Life/Living/People.
(+1 rating, 1 votes)
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Big dogs are better, I agree. After dealing with hundreds of dogs all shapes and sizes I have to say that large breed dogs (for the most part) aren’t nearly as irritating as the little ones. I do think it’s totally unfair that if a big dog bites someone (even in self defense or defending their owner) they either get put down or have to be muzzled, but if a small dog bites someone, no matter the reason, they don’t get any reprocussions for it. People don’t treat dogs of different breeds or different sizes the same which in my opinion is very unfair. Why is it that a pit bull is banned in many cities now because a few horrible people made them fight (when in reality they are very sweet very well mannered dogs if treated well) yet there have been at least 20 times the “attacks” by chihuahuas and other smaller breeds than there has been by pit bulls yet no one has ever banned a toy breed from any city. It wouldn’t be so bad if people would treat all dogs the same, but smaller dogs are getting more and more aggressive and like someone else has already said, people just say “awww, aren’t they so cute when they think they’re tough?” I think every dog should get at least 3 chances, but that includes little dogs too. I don’t care if the bites are bad or not, they should have the same consequences.
Personally, in my 10 years of working with dogs, I have been bitten by about 40 small dogs and only 2 large dogs
(one of the large ones was a lab and the other a retriever… go figure, the 2 breeds that are suppose to be great family pets) and to tell the truth the bites from the little dogs were worse. I almost lost a finger to a shih-tzu but I got 4 puncture wounds from the large dogs. Stitches for the bites from the little dogs, nothing but band-aids for the bites from the other 2… which one seems worse to you?
plus, who has ever killed a “real” dog by accidentally stepping on them? I know a few little ones who have unfortunately passed on under those circumstances.
And for those people who argue that small dogs (specific breeds anyways) are good for people with allergies, there are many “non-shedding” large breed dogs too. (keep in mind that there are no dogs in the world who don’t shed at least a little but those breeds have hair and not fur so they are deemed non-shedding) I would rather have a standard poodle than a toy or tea-cup poodle, and they have the same hair. Believe me when I say that a standard would be just as happy to curl up on your lap as a toy or tea-cup would, you just don’t have to worry about squishing them if you don’t see them on the couch when you sit down :)
Me personally, I’m in to the biggest dogs. I love Newfoundlanders, Mastiffs, Great Danes, Leonburgers, Tibetain Mastiffs, and the not so large German Shepherd (or if you want to go for a large shepherd the Sable or Shylo Shepherds are really great too).
No matter what way you look at it, big is better when it comes to dogs.
Yes SOME small breeds were bred to hunt rodents and even bugs, but the majority of small breeds were bred for companionship only.
Seriously, small working dogs were bred for rodent killing. One small breed was bred with an extremely strong tail attachment so it could be hauled out of a badger burrow. {West Highland terrier, maybe?]. Probably chihuahuas have the same function.
Also, yo quiero taco bell dogs were considered a good pet for people with asthma. Now if you could just get ‘em to shut up!
Ever read about search and rescue dogs? Most are Alsatians, and the ones recommended have passed the German breed test or whatever for the desired intelligence, physical qualities, and personality traits. Sometimes a pound mutt turns out to have the necessary quals for some sort of bomb sniffing or cadaver search or rescue work. But almost all these are large dogs with large brain housing groups.
Could that be the problem with little dogs-not enough head room for brains?
Be kind of cool to get a bunch of little Westies with the smarts and training to go to an earthquake disaster site to do search and rescue. Take up a tenth of the room and food of an Alsatian, carry on a plane in a pet carrier, get through rubble much faster.
But yeah, I like big puppy dawgs.
Patrice! I’m shocked! Disgusted!! MORTIFIED!!! NOT!!!! The wife and I couldn’t agree with you more about big dogs. We’ve had our share. When we were dating, she had a huge black Newfoundland. (That was a bit too big, especially when we had to live in an apartment after we were married.) We’ve also had several black Labs. One weighed 120 pounds and her “little sister” weighed 102 pounds. What big sweeties they were. We now have a black half-Lab half-Weimaraner female. She’s not huge, but big enough! And she acts exactly like your Great Pyrenees. She can’t stand it when we’re not all together in the same room. Little yappy dogs are worthless in our opinion. They can’t protect you or your home. You can’t wrassle with ‘em or fall asleep lying on ‘em. We’ll take a big dog any day!